Nia Ilemor

 Assalamualaikum,      Oh My God, where do I even begin? It has been so long since I last blog it felt so odd to be here again. My last post is in 2018? Oh my hahahaha. Just very recently I felt a strong urge to start writing again. I just feel like my thoughts needed to be sorted out. So where do we even begin? I am now, married Alhamdulillah. Four months, still very new, still so many things to learn. Such an odd feeling right? What I like the most about him is just how he makes me feel so safe, physically and more importantly, emotionally. He makes me wanna be better. Our relationship move at a pretty fast pace. We met in July 2019, got to know each other, figured that we were on the same page, discovered that we have the same wavelength with some differences (normal), so we made plans to get married. The plan had to be put on hold because of PKP but we managed too pull though and put on a small ceremony. We invited people (friends and colleagues) to the groom's reception ceremo

          We often want to find an avenue to express ourselves. Dancing, doodling, singing, composing, running, and yes, even writing. Some of us even extends our feelings to the things we post on our social media. Photos with certain hues, colours that represent certain emotions, captions that are supposed to be a secret reminder to ourselves or even composed in length. I think I used to do that a lot. When I am writing for a caption, I honestly don't intend to make it long. Sometimes it started off as wanting to write something really short and just, laid-back but my emotions often seem to want to pour themselves out the moment the find my fingers providing them the avenue. Oddly, it does not come as easy when it comes to wanting to write a post on blogs. I tend to be super melancholic in my posts and sometimes, I honestly worry that people think I am in a constant state of sadness (haha) by reading my captions. You wanted to be perceived as someone who exudes happiness, and joy

Darkest night he could ever remember. No lamp posts. No lights. No nothing. Just a lonely road ahead. And it could only fit a person. No cars, no bikes, no motorcycles. Just feet. He stood there, look up to the sky only to find darkness. "It doesn't make any difference, opening or closing my eyes." He took a deep breath. And he walked. 2/13/13

You know what, I think from this way onward, my blog posts are just gonna be, mainly about ranting about random stuffs.      So it's Labour Day, and my housemates are back at their cosy homes while I am stuck here. I figure it's not much lucrative of time and money to go back home anyway, since I will be on duty this weekend. Besides, I'll get myself a nice 4 day leave next week because of the election so might as well stay this week. Yay. I spent today doing the laundry, and I ran through my movie list. Marvel movie list that I haven't crossed off yet. Watching Infinity War really got my intrigued on a few things and after my student can't stop jabbering about the theories of what's gonna happen in the next movies, I got even more curious and decided that this franchise is worthy of my time.      Also, I have finally finished reading Ready Player One! YAY! WHAT A GREAT BOOK SIMPLY MAGNIFICENT I was so excited because it has been quite a while that I got so

     I used to think that people who run away from their problems are cowards, and weak. Problems are supposed to be faced head on you know? Grab it by its root, and just uproot it or something. Throw it away from your life *insert more hyperbolic comparisons      Until, I have reached here. I have confronted my problem, resolved it (I guess), did everything I can in my power. Then, what else? What else is there? What else can I do if the unsettling feeling is still here to stay, even after months. So tell me what am I supposed to do if the only chance of me to survive this is, to avoid it? The instinct survival says I should run and hide, but I refuse. And I have been wounded by the advance of time.      They say, time heals all wounds. Then, as long as I live, as long as I breathe, as long as I have time with me, I will wait for that moment until this old adage dissolves into truth. Until, the end of time.      Maybe I am a coward. And you know what, when it comes to this, I do

          Everyone will go through this, at some point of their lives. There will come a point in your life when you want to give up. Seriously, it feels a lot easier to just crawl into a cave, and I don’t know sometimes you just kinda, want to, maybe spend your days staring at the ceiling, contemplating your miserable life. Then you thought to yourself, “Wait, my life isn’t exactly miserable. I have a loving family and friends, I have a comfy bed, a stable career, I have Lightwood and Macbeth, books to read, places to go, food to eat, good health, friend with lame puns jokes to laugh at, silly jokes from your students that can amuse you to no end, aaaand many many more blessings!” Then you would go quiet for a few seconds, and start feeling miserable again. For no reason. Then you remembered, right, time to blame the hormones. Must be that time of the month again.           I remember having a conversation with A, where we both kinda agreed that happiness are overrated (well actua