Nia Ilemor

I think, for the past one year, things have been, indescribable.      I made changes to my life. Things I thought I would never be able to do. People I thought I would never be able to let go. As time passes, I learnt that that is the most dangerous thing to do for attachment towards certain things or certain people, pulls away one of the dependency bits of you and it could leave you unguarded. Much to my surprise, the leaving part was actually one of the best decisions I have ever made for ever since then, things are so much clearer.       For the past one year, I have been trying to keep my balance, but still, some things get off the track. I felt like I have been going at it as my usual self and at the normal speed but no, I think at this point, crawling would already be considered as one of the biggest achievements. Little did I realize that my compromise has changed parts of me, a lot.  Things, which I should prioritize.  T...

Tonight, the whale suddenly decided to take itself out of the sea. The after effect wasn't that pleasant. I hate it. I wish, I can do something about it. I wish, the other sea creatures are not affected by it at all. I wish, the sea is not as much polluted by the toxicity of the human being. I wish the sea could still be the perfect home for us. Have you ever felt so powerless seeing the people you really really love paving their way towards the monstrosity by the world as they are enticed by the pretty lights, but there you were, powerless to stop them. Nothing you can do about it. And you had to watch them getting burned by the heat. I hate it.  I loathe it.  I really hate that feeling.

"Insanity is trying the same thing but expecting a different result."      Sometimes, finding a solution to a problem could be time consuming. It could take a whole lot of you before you even have the slightest idea on what you could actually work on. And you still have thousand of files concerning your problems to go through before you could detach yourself from your own fears. Our life is not like a movie, where when a hero is at a dead end, he suddenly bumped into a random old guy on the street giving a one liner advice, or a wisdom in a fortune cookie, or probably his head suddenly is filled with ideas and drive after lepaking by the beach thinking about life. And then, whoosh, he suddenly becomes that awesome guy, living up to whatever advice that he encountered beforehand. As much as people like you and I wanted our life to be as easy like that, it doesn't.       But when life takes away your comfort zone and put you in a volatile state, t...

She's walking on a flimsy thread, at the height of a soaring bird. Slowly. Carefully. Meticulously.  "Maybe you should just run?" No. "Maybe you should try flying?" No. I'm not a bird I don't even have wings to begin with! "Maybe you do. But you never try, how come you know?" Her feet halted to a stop. She lifted up her face. The dimmed sunlight bathes her face. Slowly, she spread out her arm while trying to maintain the balance of her torso. She could feel her hands slowly weighed down by soft shiny feathers and it grows larger by seconds. "Do I fly now and risk the flight, or do I keep on going as how I have been doing it?" But she was so near to the colourful wall...

Sometimes that I think that He is being too merciful to me. And I am ashamed of my stagnant or even worse, deteriorating effort I put in to improve myself everyday. But on top of all that, I hope I will always be granted the drive to move forward, and the strength to be thankful. Because sometimes when it seems like you have it all good, you forget. Alhamdulillah :)

"Up here in the cold thin air I can finally breathe"        Last four days I lepaked with two of my friends at KFC, trying to get our take home drama test done. (btw lepak is a legit English word so I discovered) So when people head over to whatever field there was or whatever fancy place people celebrate new year to watch fireworks or do the countdown, there we were, at the second floor of Sect 18 KFC, eyes on screen, fingers dancing on keyboard, typing whatever relevant words that could fit the description of producing a final drama staging, completing our assignments. And I still think that's better than celebrating new year in a crowded place.      So here we are, 2014. As we lamented on the fact that we're already turning 22, we were also, at the same time, excited. Hey, we're 22 already! Wow look at the weight of responsibility and required maturity that the number holds. And as we got lethargic with our assignments, we scrolled down the o...

“Please don’t do this to me Nia.” “But this is what is best for everyone Ain, trust me on this. Abah and Ma will be so proud that you've made the right choice.” “No, NO!” “Get a hold of yourself. You said it yourself that you just want to get this over with. You said you want to take control. Now get hold of your shaky emotions!” “I want the misery of confusion to end but not this way.” “This is the only way.” “I can’t. I can’t bring myself to choose. They are all so nice. I love them all the same.” “No you can’t. You have to choose or you will suffer for the rest of your life! Make a wise choice Ain. You have to choose something because you can’t have it all. Remember? Priorities, priorities, priorities!” “I can’t,” I could feel my voice trembling with fear of losing the love if I make the choice. The fear of making the wrong choice. “I just can’t please let this slide just this time.” “NO! You’re the one who wanted to take control now ...