Nia Ilemor

Assalamualaikum :) And, hello.      Today we had lunch at my uncle's house. His recent hunt got us some real good meat yay so it's a family feast. A little tradition in the family that we always treasure omg getting sentimental here can I not go back to Shah Alam tsk. It was really nice having lunch together but the kids were, quite a headache to tend to. They were like, ten little kids to tend to. Luckily they are all well-mannered and not as fussy. After lunch, I took some of the kids for a walk nearby the housing area, wasn't that far lah. I made sure that we stayed within the vicinity where it was still possible for us to run back to the house in case aliens suddenly decided to land and kidnap us. You'll never know.       The little one, Raisya was in a really good mood today. Too good of a mood. She was laughing and behaving so politely. She ran a lot too, in a kurung lagi smh my heart would skip a beat because when kids run, it always gives...

I have not blogged for a long time, I do realize that.      At one point, it almost felt like this blog is more of a surreal existence. A place where my mind choose to go as the mundane life bores it to death. After a while I realize that, things written here, could not be as reflective as I wanted it to be. Sometimes these are just words representing ideas put in your mind by people who mesmerize you (maybe), and they are just, screaming, demanding to be freed. As how your mind insisted to be freed of them. Neutralize, probably that's the word that would fit in.       Gone are the days when thoughts are easier to be put into words. Gone are the days, where you feel it is safe to pour your feelings to the arrangement of alphabets. Sometimes I think humans use fancy words as a leeway to express their suppressed feelings while minimizing the possibilities for people to understand them. Sometimes we learn more words so that we will be able to material...

As each day passes, it gets more difficult to tell. My neutral ground is shaking, and all the ropes that have tied it to my principles are breaking away. How do I differentiate reality from the myth? Because I've gone native, believing in folklore and dreaming of reliving the triumph.  I'm terrified that when I have to leave one day, I will not be able to fathom reality anymore. The mere thought of it scares every blood cell out of me. Every. Single. Day.

I think, for the past one year, things have been, indescribable.      I made changes to my life. Things I thought I would never be able to do. People I thought I would never be able to let go. As time passes, I learnt that that is the most dangerous thing to do for attachment towards certain things or certain people, pulls away one of the dependency bits of you and it could leave you unguarded. Much to my surprise, the leaving part was actually one of the best decisions I have ever made for ever since then, things are so much clearer.       For the past one year, I have been trying to keep my balance, but still, some things get off the track. I felt like I have been going at it as my usual self and at the normal speed but no, I think at this point, crawling would already be considered as one of the biggest achievements. Little did I realize that my compromise has changed parts of me, a lot.  Things, which I should prioritize.  T...

Tonight, the whale suddenly decided to take itself out of the sea. The after effect wasn't that pleasant. I hate it. I wish, I can do something about it. I wish, the other sea creatures are not affected by it at all. I wish, the sea is not as much polluted by the toxicity of the human being. I wish the sea could still be the perfect home for us. Have you ever felt so powerless seeing the people you really really love paving their way towards the monstrosity by the world as they are enticed by the pretty lights, but there you were, powerless to stop them. Nothing you can do about it. And you had to watch them getting burned by the heat. I hate it.  I loathe it.  I really hate that feeling.

"Insanity is trying the same thing but expecting a different result."      Sometimes, finding a solution to a problem could be time consuming. It could take a whole lot of you before you even have the slightest idea on what you could actually work on. And you still have thousand of files concerning your problems to go through before you could detach yourself from your own fears. Our life is not like a movie, where when a hero is at a dead end, he suddenly bumped into a random old guy on the street giving a one liner advice, or a wisdom in a fortune cookie, or probably his head suddenly is filled with ideas and drive after lepaking by the beach thinking about life. And then, whoosh, he suddenly becomes that awesome guy, living up to whatever advice that he encountered beforehand. As much as people like you and I wanted our life to be as easy like that, it doesn't.       But when life takes away your comfort zone and put you in a volatile state, t...

She's walking on a flimsy thread, at the height of a soaring bird. Slowly. Carefully. Meticulously.  "Maybe you should just run?" No. "Maybe you should try flying?" No. I'm not a bird I don't even have wings to begin with! "Maybe you do. But you never try, how come you know?" Her feet halted to a stop. She lifted up her face. The dimmed sunlight bathes her face. Slowly, she spread out her arm while trying to maintain the balance of her torso. She could feel her hands slowly weighed down by soft shiny feathers and it grows larger by seconds. "Do I fly now and risk the flight, or do I keep on going as how I have been doing it?" But she was so near to the colourful wall...