Nia Ilemor

Sometimes I see things even when I do not want to (no guys I am not talking about supernatural circumstances haha). Sometimes, I am not sure if understanding emotional rides of myself, and of other people is a blessing or a curse. Sometimes, I would also like to seek refuge in the safe haven of ignorance is bliss, but the privilege that has been bestowed to knowing other people is too much of a paramount consciousness to ignore. 

Sometimes, when you have overwhelming feelings that you can’t verbalize, you resort to writing. Sometimes, when you have overwhelming feelings that you can’t put in words, you resort to sleeping. Sometimes, when you have overwhelming feelings, you don’t feel a thing. All the time, you have to keep moving.  *No I was not listening to Britney Spears Greatest Hits album when I wrote this. 

     I have found this buried somewhere in the computer. A short story I've written when I was in semester 3 I think. Gosh that's like, 2 years back or what. Heheh. It has developed into a habit for me to write when I wanted to mark an event in my life. That is why sometimes certain stories don't make sense to others but me. Or how certain captions on Instagram may be unrelated but it was a mark, for me to remember an unfortunate event that will serve as a reminder in the future. A necessary one, for reference. Anyway; ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------      If you put your ears close to your watch, you could hear the time slowly moving away from your dimension.      I raised my left hand and brought my wrist close to my left ear. “Tick, tick, tick.” I listened to amazement of three seconds that I have just wasted listening to the tick of the clock and looked back at the screen of my ...

Assalamualaikum :) And, hello.      Today we had lunch at my uncle's house. His recent hunt got us some real good meat yay so it's a family feast. A little tradition in the family that we always treasure omg getting sentimental here can I not go back to Shah Alam tsk. It was really nice having lunch together but the kids were, quite a headache to tend to. They were like, ten little kids to tend to. Luckily they are all well-mannered and not as fussy. After lunch, I took some of the kids for a walk nearby the housing area, wasn't that far lah. I made sure that we stayed within the vicinity where it was still possible for us to run back to the house in case aliens suddenly decided to land and kidnap us. You'll never know.       The little one, Raisya was in a really good mood today. Too good of a mood. She was laughing and behaving so politely. She ran a lot too, in a kurung lagi smh my heart would skip a beat because when kids run, it always gives...

I have not blogged for a long time, I do realize that.      At one point, it almost felt like this blog is more of a surreal existence. A place where my mind choose to go as the mundane life bores it to death. After a while I realize that, things written here, could not be as reflective as I wanted it to be. Sometimes these are just words representing ideas put in your mind by people who mesmerize you (maybe), and they are just, screaming, demanding to be freed. As how your mind insisted to be freed of them. Neutralize, probably that's the word that would fit in.       Gone are the days when thoughts are easier to be put into words. Gone are the days, where you feel it is safe to pour your feelings to the arrangement of alphabets. Sometimes I think humans use fancy words as a leeway to express their suppressed feelings while minimizing the possibilities for people to understand them. Sometimes we learn more words so that we will be able to material...

As each day passes, it gets more difficult to tell. My neutral ground is shaking, and all the ropes that have tied it to my principles are breaking away. How do I differentiate reality from the myth? Because I've gone native, believing in folklore and dreaming of reliving the triumph.  I'm terrified that when I have to leave one day, I will not be able to fathom reality anymore. The mere thought of it scares every blood cell out of me. Every. Single. Day.

I think, for the past one year, things have been, indescribable.      I made changes to my life. Things I thought I would never be able to do. People I thought I would never be able to let go. As time passes, I learnt that that is the most dangerous thing to do for attachment towards certain things or certain people, pulls away one of the dependency bits of you and it could leave you unguarded. Much to my surprise, the leaving part was actually one of the best decisions I have ever made for ever since then, things are so much clearer.       For the past one year, I have been trying to keep my balance, but still, some things get off the track. I felt like I have been going at it as my usual self and at the normal speed but no, I think at this point, crawling would already be considered as one of the biggest achievements. Little did I realize that my compromise has changed parts of me, a lot.  Things, which I should prioritize.  T...