Regrets and Resolutions

     Apparently I have like 148 drafts in this blog (wait, whaaat). That's a crazy number. why haven't I posted them? I am too old now to go through those one by one and decide what to do with them so I shall honour them in my memory.

     A life adversity has brought me back to this blog. I read some of my old posts and regretted that I did not write more when I was younger. So, here I am. Better late, than, never? I guess? Who are all these posts for really anyway? Just me right so why did I not write more aaaaa stress.

     Unfortunately for me, I can't talk about the life adversity here. But, this particular episode of life is not a one time thing. This particular adversity has repeated itself a few times actually, with no resolution from the other party. We often want to control things, when we have problems, we want to solve it. How could I not, when it keeps me awake at night? But unfortunately, again, when the problem involves another party, there is just so much that you can do. It has been two days, and I am still thinking about it. I honestly don't know what else can I do. What I hated the most about it is how it has made me an even grumpier person. It is slowly turning me bitter, resentful and pessimistic - when I have been working myself against those this year. So naturally, it makes me feel like all of my efforts are futile and it begs the question, what would it take to shatter a set of values you have been so determined to built? I mean, I thought I was doing so well with the mindset shift thing until THIS happened. So, I guess confronting, and overcoming adversities really put it to test la kan. I rasa macam I am going back to square one. 

     But you know what, it's a two week break for me. This one gotta take the backseat dulu la I just wanna try to maximise my break. I may not know a lot of things - how did the problem even got to this point? Did I do my best to overcome it? What else can I do? Can this problem even be resolved? So many questions that I don't have the answers to, But one thing for sure, I am absolutely, leaving this in 2025. No matter what I have to sacrifice, it's going to be a sacrifice I have to make to get me out of this purgatory. Even if it means, more struggle, more mental load, more financial strain, I'm gonna have to brave it through because I can't stay in this purgatory anymore.


Pray for me. 

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