Jun 30, 2011

Trust

It is heartbroken-annoying-indecipherable-unbelievable to see that the people you trust with your secrets break the trust given. No matter what the excuses are, the act is still, UNACCEPTABLE.

     I never really know that I resent it so much until I actually talked about it to someone. And man, then I realized that I am angry. Not just average angry or ah-just-let-it-go angry but that oh-crap-what-did-you-just-do-I-could-never-ever-take-this angry. And I just realized that, all this while, whatever this particular person done, I didn't really said anything because I thought that this friendship is worth hanging onto. Well what do you know, I was wrong. Maybe this sounds pathetic but I don't care. Remind me again why I was so secretive way back then? Right, because some people just can't let those secrets stay locked in their mouth. 

     Take the advice, never EVER tell other's secrets to other people no matter what the excuses are. Not even for seeking advice motive or getting a second opinion or whatever lame excuses you have. A secret is a secret. If you don't think this a big deal, then maybe you just should not talk about it to simply anyone because yeah, it IS NOT a big deal.

-This is the limit that I can take.

I guess it's better to be thought as not-really-a-friend-because-you-don't-tell-me-this-and-that than having people talk about your supposed to be secret stories.

Duhhh.

Jun 26, 2011

Awkward

You never realized that you are in a very awkward situation until one said that "God, this is awkward" then you realized that it is very awkward that you feel so awkward that you no longer know how not to feel awkward and no matter how you try to not make things feel awkward it still feel, yes, awkward :/

Hahahaha.

Life is funny.

What goes around comes around.

True.
 
So very true.

Just saying.

Jun 24, 2011

No Ending


Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that some things are meant to have no ending.

Things happen.

and

Life goes on.


You Are Now 19

Assalamualaikum.


     I woke up today to be greeted by birthday wishes on my phone. Thanks for the wishes guys :D  The postman came in yesterday and brought a package for me. Guess what did I got?


*drum-roll
Tadaaaaa!
:D


     It's actually a shirt with my name on it, It is sooooo cute! :D   Thank you so much to Wan Fatinul Hidayah. I love it and I love you too! ;)


     To be honest, as I get older, I rarely get Birthday presents. People don't need specific days to give presents anyway aite? So I'm pretty excited, haha. But I don't really mind not getting presents as long as the people that I love at least remember the day I first exist. And they usually gave me cute hand made cards and race to wish me first as the clock strikes twelve though the fact that I was actually born on 7.52 a.m. Hahaha :D  It's like a tradition to wish birthday as the clock strikes twelve which is pretty amusing because people would be sleeping by that time. Don't you think? :P Haha.


     Birthdays no longer excites me. So far. I mean, not for any big celebration or anything. I don't know why. This year, I'm not really in mood for any celebration. Not that I ever really had one since I was uhm, 6? But since it is kinda my last teen year, 19, maybe I will do something for myself. Just a treat for myself. For my birthday, I just hope that, as I grow older, HE will show me a clearer path because somehow, now I'm kinda in the middle of a mess. It just happens when you get older I guess so I pray that, as I grow older, Allah will grant me His blessing, and that He will keep guiding me on the right path, and that He will protect me from worldly temptations, and that He will always grant me the strength for whatever challenges ahead. And also, that He will protect the people I love. Ameen :)


     One of the things that I like about birthday is that, tattaraatataaa! I get the Birthday bonus! Yeay! Means that my phone must always be fully recharged and that I can spend hours talking on the phone with my close friends and text endlessly! I can't wait to make calls to then and gossip. Hahaha. Oh yeah, we girls like to gossip! And on this day, we should be thanking our parents, because it is for them that we get the chance to see the world. Abah, mama thank you. I promise that I'll work harder and make you proud of me. And also, thank you for my dear family for all the support for all of these years, KalomNuyuEtiAlifAkimCiqahWawaLela. Read this entry by a very cute guy to get the idea of thanking you parents for your birthday, *Yeah, saje je tulis that cute guy line, it makes me sound nice by complimenting others, haha :D


     Thank you again Tinul :)  This is so sweet. I wish that I'd gotten you something too. Allah bless you.


Sanah Helwah Ain Romeli, you are now 19.
Alhamdulillah.
So let's act like one.
Let's be happier.
Let's work harder.
*smile :)

Jun 23, 2011

I Really

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate smokers.

Just saying.

Don't be mad at me for not being able to handle those smokes. Ugh.

Jun 22, 2011

Quoted

Time can't steal this.

Our life is made up of time. Our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years. We grab a quick few minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. And yet time enetually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could. Everything is spinning around us – jobs, family, friends, lovers… you feel like screaming ‘STOP!’, looking around, rearranging the order of a few things and then continuing on. 

Where Rainbow Ends_Cecelia Ahern

Jun 20, 2011

Khilaf

Assalamualaikum.

Stop! In the name of love, before you break my heart.
( This line just got stuck in my head, haha )

     Before I become I blogger, I always against the idea to write personal things on blog but then, when I become a blogger, well whaddaya know, I am that kinda person who write personal opinions on her blog. Haha. Karma.

     Anyway, dear friends, please agree with me. It is tough being a teenager aite? You sometimes seem to be having conflicts. And sometimes, without you exactly knowing why, you get those feelings that can take your day down. Being at the age of 18 ( yesss, still 18 ;P ) going to 19, I guess people just get those feelings. Oh no, don't go blaming your raging hormones, though yes, it is one of the reasons why. But still, Oscar Wilde once mentioned in one of his books, "A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent pleasure". What's the connection between that phrase and raging hormones? I don't know. I just think it's cool :P

     You might think that you're a motivated person, but that doesn't mean that you are an exception to feeling disappointed when things go wrong. And you might say that, "Hey, I am a strong person. I won't be taken down for love stories that can affect my study or make me look stupid" but still, it is not your fault to fall for someone and feeling sad when your love stories is not with a happy ending one. Or feeling miserable for having to endure all those emotions. Or maybe sometimes, in your family, you feel that you have been neglected. But then, you're blaming yourself for feeling that way because it kinda reflects that you're not being grateful. Ugh, I am rambling again don't I? =.="


     My point is, it is okay to sometimes to admit that, you have been taken over by your feelings. Come on, cut yourself some slack. Don't go feeling miserable for feeling miserable. Wait, is this sentence even right? Ahh, anyway, people get those feelings every now and then. So it is okay to sometimes feeling that way but, it is not okay to let them stay. I mean, with all those feelings, you could go mad. So what did you do? You go out with your friends, laugh as hard as you can at the lamest joke even and do all sorts of crazy stuff. Shop till your credit card reach the limit and eat all those cakes and ice creams? Really? And did all those miserable feelings go away? Do they?

     If it is a yes, then good for you. If it is a no, then, maybe there's something wrong somewhere. This reminds me of a book that up till now, I never succeeded reading it till the last page, "Eat Pray Love". (I think the book is boring but since it ends up kinda like a pressie, I have no choice but to read it, which I will, soon. Yes, soon :P )In the book, it seems that the author was missing something. It's like missing a soul. And she traveled in search for something. Something inexplicable. My sister even commented that she's crazy. Haha. See the world nowadays, people have everything but they still waking up feeling miserable everyday. And why is that? What is not to be happy? You got a good job, you have a big house, baby you got a car with a driver, you have wealth that maybe your seventh generation could still live with those money. Then, what it is not to be happy about?

     Maybe, maybe all those feelings are given for you to find yourself back. You've heard all those quotes about the journey of finding your soul. People have been trying to find their missing souls and try to at least once, feel genuinely happy. Maybe it is a sign that the inner part of you is left unattended. Maybe it is the time for us, to sit back and reflect. How was our relationship with our Creator? We have been so busy trying to maintain good grades and keep our social life cool, hanging out and everything, maybe along the way, we have left a relationship that must be given the most attention unattended. Maybe we kinda have abandoned our soul.

     Oh c'mon, I know that I am no good in writing this but I hope the message is delivered. Still, I am just a human being. A human who tends to forget when the world seems to take away my attention, I forgot and constantly needed to be reminded, because I'm a human. Pardon me, because I'm a human who tend to forget.

This reminds me of a song line: 
"Aku bukan Nabi yang bisa sempurna, ku tak luput dari dosa..."
May Allah have mercy on us :)

Jun 19, 2011

Malas

Assalamualaikum ;)


Entri ditaip dalam Bahasa Malaysia kerana kemalasan menaip in English.


     Semalas mana pun saya, salam tetap kena bagi, heeeee. Hari ni rasa malas. Cheit, sebenarnya dah memang selalu malas, saje je bagi hari spesifik untuk hari ini. Sejak cuti ni and officially jobless balik, kemalasan semakin menjadi-jadi. Malasnya saya sampai tahap nak reply text malas, nak jawab phone calls pun malas apatah lagi nak return phone calls, kalau bateri dah kosong, nak charge phone pun malas. Phone, sila jalan sendiri and sendiri cas boleh tak? Kalau bukan sebab phone rumah tak jadi and takut nanti parents call in case of anything, memang lifeless dah phone pinjaman tu, haha. Haih, bukak Facebook and blogger pastu taip entri tah pape ni rajin pulak ea? =.=" Okay, sambung list kemalasan, nak drive hantar adik pergi mana-mana pun malas, nak keluar pun malas, nak pergi shopping pun malas, nak makan minum pun malas. Oh, drive pergi balik KT tempoh hari rajin pulak eah? *cricket sound


Ahem.


     Memandangkan masalah kemalasan sudah tiba pada tahap yang agak kronik maka saya dengan ini mengambil inisiatif untuk mengatasi masalah kemalasan yang kronik ini kerana dikhuatiri akan menjejaskan kesihatan untuk jangka masa yang lama. Maka dalam tempoh sisa berbaki selama lebih kurang dua bulan sebelum sambung degree, terfikir jugak nak buat something. Like, belajar memasak. Oh, kalau memasak ni ada dalam syllabus SPM memang dah lama dah, konfem fail. Akan tetapi walaubagaimanapun sekali tidak sukanya pada aktiviti yang berminyak dan berasap ini, sebagai seorang XX homo sapien, la budda (tidak boleh tidak) harus juga belajar memasak sebab nanti kalau agak-agak dah ready nak kahwin, kalau tak boleh masak, fail lahh. Memang tak luluss lah nak kahwin =.=" Asal dua tiga minggu ni asyik cakap pasal kahwin je? Isk. Okay fine, bagi alasan lain, nanti sambung degree, belajar masak, boleh jimat bajet. Ye ke? 


     Anyway, nanti 2 minggu first July, Mak Cik a.k.a my housekeeper nak cuti. Disebabkan time tu Nuyu dah posting, maka dalam senarai hanya ada nama saya untuk calon menjaga rumah. Honestly, sapu-sapu, basuh pinggan etc tu takde masalah tapiiiiii, kalau nak suruh memasak, errr, emm, no komen. Mama ngan abah pun dah slow2 sinis je komen suruh belajar memasak. Ni hah, duk ngaku tak pandai masak, bagitau public gitu dalam blog, nanti kang orang nak masuk minang tak jadi sebab tak pandai masak. Ahhh, kahwin lagi. Isk. Alasan utama suruh belajar masak tu ah, nanti nak kahwin takkan nak makan kat luar hari-hari dan alasan lain yang sewaktu dengannya. Kang kalau cakap taknak kahwin kang pastu jadi doa pastu memang betul-betul tak kawin pastu jadi andartu pulak, hah, baru tauuu. Haiyoh. Maka dengan ini, saya pun akan slow-slow belajar masak, walau sepayah mana pun. Ecehhh. Bajet ngguh, duk ase last-last beli lauk kat luar jugak =.="


     Kalau dulu boleh la lari cari alasan bagai tapi nampaknya kali ini, terpaksa berhadapan dengan masalah ini. Heaven lah sangat cuti panjang kan. Dulu boleh bagi excuse, sibuk blajo, nanti-nanti lahh blaja masak. Now? Hah, hambekk, cuti kemain panjang. Hello, bila saya kata saya tidak pandai masak, tak bermaksud tak boleh langsung. Goreng ikan ayam sayur tu tade hal lahhh, sebelah mata je yaww. Uuuu, tipuuuuuu. Okay fine, tak berapa pun tapi bolehlahh. Tapi nanti 2 minggu Mak Cik tade takkan hari-hari nak bagi makan tu je. Plus, nanti mama and abah nak pergi umrah, kena jaga rumah lagi. Kena masak lagi. Kena jadi driver lagi. Oh, besarnya tanggungjawab, haha. Rasa dewasa lak tetiba :P


     Eksyeli kite jeles ngan kawan kite, Wan Fatinul Hidayah. Jika anda membaca entri ini sila tahu bahawa saya sebenarnya jeles dengan anda. Kitorang tengok Tinul ni dah ada pakej lengkap dah nak kahwin, hik hik walaupun sebenarnya anggaran orang pertama kahwin ialah Raihanah Skema. Hak hak hak. Jeles sebab, anda bukan sahaja tahu memasak bahkan menjahit, siap ambil kelas pastri lagi yaww. Kau ada? Haha. Ahem, sorry. Ingat nak ambil juga kelas menjahit. Almaklumlah, upah menjahit leni bapak ah mahalnyeeee. Time-time kena tanggung ni memang takdehal, upah jahit mama bayar tapi nanti kalau dah kerja? =.="  Ingat dulu ambil kelas menjahit, attend first class je pastu tak pergi. Heheheheh. Bukan taknak tapi sebab ada ehm, masalah transport. Ah yes. Hihi. 


     Ah, tah pape je entri kali ni. Membebel je keje. Isk. Jauh lagi perjalanan sebelum nak mencapai cita-cita saya iaitu, menjadi suri rumah tangga berjaya. Hak hak hak. Oh dah dah, babai ;)

Jun 16, 2011

Growing Up

Assalamualaikum.


     Oh-kkayyy. Em, where do I start eh? Ah, first, I just had one of the most amazing trip ever on 13, 14 and 15 of June 2011. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. Thank you for those involved, it was awesome, really. For the first time, abah gave me his consent for me to drive on my own to KT *finally. Maybe for some people, it is just an an hour and a half trip and you would go saying like, "Alahhh, trip dekat je kot, tu pun nak feel happy". Yeah, it is but actually, his consent means more. It means trust and concern and for a girl who is growing up to be an adult, it is necessary. I could see that he was actually very concerned but then, sooner or later, this will come and he will have to come up with a final say. I could actually feel that, it must have been hard for parents to see their children growing up and they are worry to actually let them be independent on their own. 


I miss my old problems. My childhood problems.

     Talk about growing up, my birthday is coming up. Birthdays used to be big deals for me but now, I'm not sure. The idea doesn't give me the thrill anymore but uhm, if there're celebrations, I wouldn't mind to join. Hahaha :D  Another birthday means that another year of your life have gone by. To think that what did I actually have done with my life, it is so sad to admit that I might have wasted more than using it wisely. A year older, means that a year shorter from life. And yet, we never know how long we would live. A year older, it also means that an age with more on your shoulder. Responsibilities piling up and more. And with time going so fast, I actually am surprised that it has been three months after I 'grad' my foundation programme and that means that I have roughly, uhm, 2 more months home. And all of a sudden I wish I have mooooore time. Greedy, I know.

     The other day, my friends and I talked about the Degree years. Going for Degree means that, going to a whole new world that gives a true definition to the word 'independence'. And we talked about future, pursuing for the next level of our studies, maybe getting a master, phd, finding the right one along the way, having a family and everything. And next year, we would be 20. That two digit in the front already sounds adult to me. I would have to start planning my life, finances and everything. I'm gonna miss being a teenager. But hey, we may have that two in the front, but we're still young at heart, haha.





     So we're growing up. Guess it is the time for a change. You know, how people can easily change from good to bad. And it is actually so hard to change again and not to relapse even a bit. I can actually feel that time really did turn me into someone else. There's the good part and there's also the bad one. To balance those two, that needs effort+time+determination which I always seem to lack one of it at times. A lot of things have happened. It was not an easy road. It was a tough one. Really. As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Reality check.


     Anyway, I heard that the result for UPU will be out by the first two weeks of July. I don't know what to expect. Lately I've been thinking a lot. Unnecessary thoughts. And I resent myself for actually having a thought that maybe I took the wrong call for my future. Shame on you Nia Ilemor, have you forgotten everything? But there's nothing I can do about it, I am actually glad that I didn't apply for it in the first place, at least I don't have to bother myself thinking about it. Anyway, I pray that Allah will strengthen my will for this course. I pray that whatever happen, I will stick to it. No matter what people say, I will still stick to it. I pray that Allah will give me the strength to. Ameen :)


-Play time is over Nia, buckle up, you still have a loooong journey.

Jun 12, 2011

PS, I Love You

Assalamualaikum!


     Reading this book gave me a lot of things to ponder about. Reading the tittle, people must have thought this is a very romantic story, auwwww, you love me and I love you and there's nothing in the world could ever come between us and bla bla bla but for me, there is much more than that. It is a romantic story but I didn't cry. Na'ah. But somehow, reading this book, gets to me. It gets to me how awful is the feeling of losing someone that you are in love with and the pain of surviving alone. And also the feeling of how hard it is seeing other people move on but you're still stuck with your memories, not that refusing to move on, but afraid that by doing so, you're leaving the precious memories behind.


     So the main character of this book, Holly is left alone after her beloved husband, Gerry died to a brain tumour. So you know, when people get paralysed by losing someone they love, they literally stopped living. Everything seemed, dull, lifeless and it seemed like Holly has lost her point of living when he's gone. But then, she discovered that he had written him letters beforehand from Feb till December, that is from the moment he's gone. There're 10 of them. Each labelled with each month and must be opened accordingly. It's like a list of what Holly must do each month and it gets me thinking that, if there's no such list, I don't think that poor lady would have survived the year just like she did in the book.


Buku skim pinjaman Kalom :P


     Anyway, this book is mainly about Holly dealing with all the pain, grief and all those awkward moments. It touches on some things that are real. Like, when someone's gone, how do you deal with it. I mean, when you bump into your old friends and suddenly they ask about him, how would you answer that "My husband's gone" without feeling awkward and answering the same questions all over again without feeling the pain of losing him washes over you, for the countless number of time every single time people ask you about it but at the same time, how would you put a hey-I-was-devastated-but-I-moved-on-and-don't-make-it-seems-wrong face. Because you know, people would expect you to have swollen eyes from crying all night and everything. And those "Are you okay" questions. And if you're the friend, how would you ask without making it sounds terrible?


     When people lose someone they love so much, most of them refuse to go to the places they often go for it will only bring back all those memories. And how irony is it, those happy memories now bring nothing but the pain of losing the people you have shared the memory with. And as time passes by, you get scared of losing that memory in your life. You're hanging with the remaining faded memories. You feel awful when you see yourself in the mirror but failing to remember the scrutinizing details of his face, you feel like you don't deserve to speak of him when you barely remember how his voice sounds like and you feel that you should be tormented with cold when you can't feel how warm his hug used to make you feel anymore.


Let's pretend that this was them :P


     It is already hard getting up everyday living with those, and people who claimed to be supportive actually are giving you hard times to move on. After months of dealing with the pain, someone would say, "You should go out, move on, meet someone new, go start a new life bla bla bla" and when you really do, they would picture you as a woman who easily find replacement to the husband she claimed to love the most. At this point of life, you should be able to recognize who's the friend and who's the foe. See, how complex people making moving on is to be? That is why I personally believe, it is never cool to judge for we don't know what they're dealing with. If moving on is wrong, then what is right to do? Is grieving over it for the rest of your life is? Or maybe put on a sad face with streaming tears every time we speak of him? Every single time? 


     And you know how people say that talking about your pain making it less, well in this book, it shows that the pain is just the same. Okay maybe it lessen, a little, but still, there's a large amount of pain to deal with. And as time passes by, you get tired of talking the same thing but never find the remedy. And you're afraid that talking about the same thing, will just bore your company, no matter how assuring they ensure you that it is okay. So how do people treat the wound really? Whatever you do is wrong. If you don't talk about it, act like everything is normal, laugh at jokes, living just fine, people would go saying, "Ohhh, heartless isn't she?" But then, if you keep talking about it and sigh at the pain of it, people would be like, "Come on, just move on already" Ah well, I guess we just have to keep a straight face.


     Is it wrong for her to move on? Live a happy life but yet, remember him in her own happy way. No tears, no drama, just happy moments to be smiled at. Might be better with a pray :)  Those days were happy memories. They may lasted for only a few good years but they're good memories and good memories live, within our heart. Though it ended pretty sad, it doesn't mean that she have to remember it with the tears of pain aite? So yeah, it is quite a good book. It stages up your perception and make you view things from a few good angles. Cecilia Ahern, good job! I am sooo gonna read the rest of yours! ;)

Jun 11, 2011

Just June

Assalamualaikum! ;)


     Phew, quiet a long time I've been missing eayh? Shame on you, you actually thought to quite blogging when as a matter of fact, you can't help yourself to blog. Haha. Thank you for my dear friends who have always been concern, I appreciate it, really :)  Anyway, It's June already. Wow, how time flies. It feels like it was only yesterday when I first 'graduated' my Foundation Programme. Hey hey there June! I actually thought that after months of so called travelling, June and July will be the time when I will be pampering myself with nothing. Well, whaddaya know, June is an exciting month so that so called pampering programme is so not gonna happen. 


     But that doesn't really bother me because I am sooooo looking forward for it! The first one to go is, a quick trip this 13-15th June 2011 :)  I guess this would be the last time we could really gather and hang around since starting 20, Mizz Greenizz and Miss Wanabee will be enrolling Maktab. Clap clap applause! Congrats guys! ;)  It's a bummer since two of us can't make it but it's okay. Guys, don't be sad okayh, we'll meet up someday, at someone's wedding, haha :D


     Well, what's new? I just finished reading PS.I LOVE YOU. Ehm, yeah, I know, I know. I am soo lame because I just read it. Reaction of a friend, "Kau baru baca ni? Serious? First time? Ko baru nak baca?" <----dengan gaya muka bersungguh-sungguh, dahi berkerut dan suara sedikit terkejut. But hey, that's an achievement there. After months of losing interest to books that is finally something to be proud of. Well, at least for me. Reading that book, gives my brain lotsa things to be thought of and yeah, somehow it gets to me. I'll write a review maybe, next time.


That's all for update, till then ;)

-June started with a trial, goes on with happiness and hopefully, ends with thousands of memories.


Jun 7, 2011

Quoted

I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no other reality tonight.

The Kite Runner _ Khaled Hosseini