Here I am again, talking to myself, sitting at a red light.
Both hands on the wheel
How am I supposed to feel?
So much running through my mind
The Getaway_Hilary Duff
These few days I've been kinda busy. Last weekend we had kenduri kesyukuran home and yeah, lotsa things to do. And at the same time I've been kinda busy settling things that grown ups do. Man, no one told me that there's just too much things to deal with as you grow up. Haha. As if. Anyway, yesterday me bestie and me went to the town. Done with some things and we dropped by a textile shop. What a coincidence, we met a senior of two years there. She's apparently working part time. It's sem holiday. So we were talking the normal things that students talk about when they met up, where are you studying now and everything related. Well, it turned out to be that she was also a TESL student, now majoring English for Professional (don't remember the long name :P) in UiTM Shah Alam. And she also studied in UiTM Kuantan for her foundation. Ahhh, how come I never knew that. Haha. She got pretty excited when she knew that my bestie got the same course as hers because she has never met juniors that is in the same course that she is. So they talked about their course. Funny, she told us that during her batch, her foundation course mates mostly aimed for English for Professionals for their Degree. As she explained more about her course in a very fun way and everything, I was like T_________T
Well her course sounds more fun. It is more of communicating to people and they work on big companies like Sime Darby and they had a chance of being executive. Way back then, when we first filled up the UPU form, I have once thought of cheating with TESL and go for English for Professional. Because as I go through the course, I didn't find myself as passionate as I thought I would be about teaching. I was torn between the options and yeah, I was kinda afraid of what would happen if I don't choose TESL. What if I got rejected for the course too and other ifs. And I thought of thinking about the pros and cons about those courses first and then maybe, MAYBE I'd change the options later. Little did I know that they would call for MeDSI first before they open up for second phase UPU. You don't need MeDSI for Prof Eng, just good pointer and band 4. So the chance is pretty good and not so many people are there in the course. And only UiTM offer this course. Then I said to myself, if I don't pass this MeDSI thing, it is a sign that I should go for the another one. And when the result came out, I passed. And there's the interview. Then I told myself again, if I don't pass the interview, then third option it is. And I passed. And I got TESL. Maybe this is the right sign. That TESL is the one. It's the matter of future I'm dealing with. I wouldn't wanna spend my life doing something I'm not really into. My heart is torn between the options. And my senior said that I still have time to kinda ask for changing the course. Well, she didn't specifically said that and of course it's gonna be kinda tough but still, there's a chance.
I thought of lotsa things. What I promised my parents. What I really want. And the question that will I be able to pull off the course along the way. Because you know, my lecturer once told me, between the things that you want and you can do, it's different. "Dah kalau minat pun tapi tak boleh bawak course tu, tak boleh jugak." The only thing that's repelling me from the course is the thought that they have financial subject. Financial means calculating and calculating means Math! And oh my, I seriously dislike Math! And I told myself that I will never, ever, if possible let my path cross with that M word anymore in the future because, it will be stressing for me. Hahahaha. And yeah, that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna go to Maktab :P And I heard that this course is tougher than TESL and it's in three years. Oh heart, why are you putting my brain in a state of confusion @.@ But then, I've been thinking about this for quite a long time. Funny it is, no matter how much I think I wanted that Prof Eng course, my heart still tell me that, I should go for TESL. It's like a constant alarm as it beats. Well, maybe this time, like the last time, I should listen to my heart. Besides, you don't necessarily had to teach when you take TESL right? Riiiight??? And even if teaching will be a part of my future, who knows that along the way of that four unpredictable years, my heart will adore teaching. And so they say 'it' runs in my blood. We'll see. We'll see. Hahahaha.
This post is more like convincing myself of something that I was not even sure of. Ughhh. Why must this kinda feelings come now? Dugaan hati datang lagi. But anyhow, Ain Romeli, because you once had this feeling, you should understand better and know that whatever happens, you have given this matter a thought and be convinced that you will have no regrets, InsyaAllah. And you made up your mind and it is what it is, you should know that this is the best. It is what you have always wanted in the first place and there are other people who wanted the same chance but they didn't get it. So you should be more than grateful. Alhamdulillah. You shall go there and take this course to the core of your heart, and you shall let it beats along with your heart and believe that it is a right choice.
*Take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.
Okay, Degree, here I come! :D
-If in those four years, you ever had doubts, you shall read this again and remember that it is what the heart says. Listen to it.
It is one of the days where petty things start to violate your brain. You started worrying about unnecessary things. You started feeling insecure despite having those people who can protect you. You started feeling miserable despite all of those happy news. How irony could life get? This irony. You end up hating the one you love and you end up loving the one you hate. Ah, seems like we're a little bit off-track here. Pardon me. Ahem.
Anyway, the result is out. The course is it. The place that is it. Alhamdulillah. Looking at another side, it is the typical side of me, afraid of venturing into the future, afraid what it has to offer me for those offers could easily be bad, real bad. For that, I've been feeling kinda nervous+afraid rather than excited which sounds so wrong because at this point, I should be happy. Yeah, I know. But it's just that, the thought of being far from my family gets me kinda, uh, I don't know. Hope the homesick doesn't get me as much as it did way back then. And that was Kuantan we're talking about. But too much was bad. Consuming my energy. It drained my emotion that I could write silly-lovey-dovey post about it. Yeah, I got sentimental when I miss home. Weird. I know. HAHA.
So yeah, I seriously don't really have much to update. Muddled up. Another four years. Forms. Fax the transcript. Raya. Puasa. 10 days of single parent challenge. Dentist appointments. Reunions. Old friends. New friends. Best friends. So called friends. Shopping for endless lists. Incoming assignments. New people. New place. New environment. Growing up. 20 to be. There're so many things in my mind. Wonder why writing doesn't do the trick of getting them out anymore *sigh.
Oh by the way, congrats for the offers guys! All the best for Degree! :D
*boom boom fireworks, cheers!
Have a good day people, Allah bless you :)
-Hey Nia Ilemor, this is seriously unnecessary. Get a book, make a list, get a grip, make a life! :D
Hey kawan, you maybe right, distance helps. But it doesn't do the trick. In the end of the day, it's the inner strength that you have to rely to. Isk. Payah.
Tapi tak mustahil :)
Pain. Indeed it was and still is very painful. I wonder the pain of me keeping you could be compared to the pain of Juliet losing Romeo. Irony? Ah, I bet it is more than that. Define how much pain it is to compliment the word painful. Define the pain because for me it is unbearable. As much as it hurts to keep you, I bet it hurts more to let you go. I've tried and now I guess it is time. It's not that I did not try to heal the wound, I did but it hurts so bad I can't take it any longer. Painkillers and antibiotics are nothing but like dusts complimenting the sand.
With you around me, it feels right. But it is painful. With you around me, I am able to smile, but it is painful. For years we've been together, now for good sake, I have to let you go. I am sorry. Never did I wish for this, but it seems that the situation is compressing the atmosphere. This is the limit that I can take. Whatever happens, you have been the reason for my smile. Therefore, even if I'm about to lose you, I'll cherish you in my memories. You will always live in my smiles. Always.
Yes, I'm going to get this treated.
I'll go to the dentist.
Dokseeeeeaaaaaaaa dokseaaaaaaaa dokseaaaaaaaa :(
-Hah,korang ingat ni post patah hati? Yang tu tunggu Matluthfi kahwin dulu, hahaha :D *ouch, sakittttt.
-Put the blame of this ntah pape post on the pain. It is hallucinating me :/
Book review! Book review time! I know some people think that book reviews are boring. Way back then, I did too. But I must write this one because this book is so much fun! This is the latest one that I recently done reading. It actually belongs to a friend of my sister and actually published in series. From his childhood years to his adulthood years.
So what do I have to say about this book? It is actually a pretty sad story of a teenage boy who's growing up in kinda a chaotic family written in innocent view of a teenage boy which makes the reading, at the same time, fun. It's British so it uses lotsa British phrases which I found myself having a hard time understanding some of the sentences but still, I enjoy reading the book. The setting is not during the recent era, it was around those war years.
It is written in those diary pattern style so no long paragraphs or whatsoever. I guess that helps you not to feel so bored reading it. Uhm, I actually don't know how to do the review on this one. I enjoyed the book but not to the fullest because sometimes I don't get the jokes. I know, still have a lot to learn. Well, I'm sure you guys not gonna have problems with that. Happy reading!
-Now I know what a 13 3/4 year old British boy thinks about life/ Philospohical. Haha :P
-Doing the countdown. Two days left. Ugh, they've given me too much time for holiday that now I don't feel like getting back to the books. Ugh D:
Guide to read: Please instill the sarcasm in your tone, your effort is very much appreciated. Thank you very much have a nice day and happy reading.
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one.. because if you really love the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
Ahum. Okay! :D
So let me get this straight, if you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really love the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.
By then, I would make this conclusion,
And if you find another one and still love both (that is after you dumped the first one and take the second one), go for the latest, the third one. Why? Well yeah, because if you really love the second one you wouldn't have fallen for the third one.
And another conclusion.
And next time when you found another one, dump the third, go for the latest love. And why is that? Becauseeeeee, if you really love the third one, how come you could fall in love with the fourth one? Riiiiiight.
This will go on forever right? It will never end. LOL. No offense. I agree with the quote to some extent but still disagree with those who misinterpret the real message of the quote. Real love is much more complicated than that. When you're in a relationship, you are tied with commitment, responsibility towards every single thing, even the simple things that your relationship has involved to. Maybe under certain circumstances it is acceptable. But if you so easily fall in love, be in a relationship, and then so easily broke it off without even trying to work on it with the excuse, "You're not the one" "I have found the other the one, the better one, the second one" and bla bla bla, I hereby pronounce you, (I'm sorry but there's no polite way to say this) a jerk.
-That is why we have the word, 'loyalty' or maybe 'kesetiaan' sounds more familiar to you, you know.
Fuyohhhh. It's been ages since I'm in the mood to blog. I took a few days off internet and I finished watching two seasons of himym, finished reading Adrian Mole's diary and halfway doing a so called 'revision'. Well, now we know how well our life is without Facebook. Well at least I do. Hahahahaha :D Yeah, that site has sure taken a lot of my time, realize it or not. But still, we need it, haih. It's weekend yawww! It's time to take some fresh air and go out and have fun. Too many things happened lately, bad things mainly but still, what a life would be without challenges aite? ;)
So anyway, what's up? Well, let's see. UPU will be announced this 15th July 2011 which is on Friday, and I heard that the registration date was either 3/4th September 2011. Oh, so when is Raya again? Ah, 30th August? So to be precise we're leaving on uhm, on the 5th Raya? So let me get this straight, we got months of holiday but only a few days of Raya? Wuuuuuuuwuuuuu :'( This is pretty devastating for me. But oh well, it is what it is. I'm not gonna lie, I am scared waiting for next Friday. Is it going to be Shah Alam? I don't know. I sure hope it will. If it will be Shah Alam, then we're gonna have to start looking for a house. My sister said that yeah, well, you can stay in hostel but it's pretty far from the campus. They're on different sections so yeah. Hey, rent house sounds independent to me. Haha.
We'll never know what He has in store for us in the future. It's a foggy future. And I'm not actually sure whether I am ready for the future or not. All I can see now is me doing Degree for four years coming. Where? What course? We shall know by this Friday. What will I be doing after that? I don't know. My sister suggested a few, that is if I can get into TESL Degree. Like, maybe I can work in bank. Or be a translator. And she has a friend working in Fly.fm, reading the evening report. Now that is pretty cool. I love Fly.fm, they got Ryan Seacrest yaww, haha. Lecturer? Educator? I honestly don't know what to do. But hey, I got 4 years to figure that out right so let's leave the thinking to the future Nia Ilemor. Haha.
I have a lot in mind on what to do with my life but I don't know whether I'll be able to do all those things. I've seen people dreaming to live their dreams when they're young and then grew older living a normal life like everyone else. I'm not sure that I like that. I always have this thought where I wanted to work work work and save money. And when I have enough money, I wanna quit my job and go travel around the world. Oh yeah, that's the wildest dream that I have so far but I see slim chances of living it. What would happen when you get married? And you can't just leave your family and yeah, other things to consider. It sounds impossible to be a full time traveler so maybe I'll just stick to the idea of go travelling during holiday. Haha.
July is gonna be busy. Kidding me, it already is. I will be a single parent when my parents leave for Umrah by the end of the month. Wow, that suddenly sounds like a big responsibility. Think of all the things I have to do. Chores, driving them to school, buying groceries during weekends and the plants. Since it will be fasting month, I would have to do the thing that I dislike almost close to liking, cooking. Wuuhuu *weak cheer. But of course, I'm learning so that my dear sisters won't go raging for not so tasty food. Oh yeah, I'll feed them well you'll see. Haha. God I love this. Really. Really. =.="
-After months of holiday, it's gonna take time to get into that nerdy mood this September. Ughh.
-I have a feeling that my blog is getting bored, might as well stop? :/
There're certain mistakes in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and said, "Yep, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be the 'not make the mistake' because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not ;)