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Showing posts from 2013

The Choice

“Please don’t do this to me Nia.” “But this is what is best for everyone Ain, trust me on this. Abah and Ma will be so proud that you've made the right choice.” “No, NO!” “Get a hold of yourself. You said it yourself that you just want to get this over with. You said you want to take control. Now get hold of your shaky emotions!” “I want the misery of confusion to end but not this way.” “This is the only way.” “I can’t. I can’t bring myself to choose. They are all so nice. I love them all the same.” “No you can’t. You have to choose or you will suffer for the rest of your life! Make a wise choice Ain. You have to choose something because you can’t have it all. Remember? Priorities, priorities, priorities!” “I can’t,” I could feel my voice trembling with fear of losing the love if I make the choice. The fear of making the wrong choice. “I just can’t please let this slide just this time.” “NO! You’re the one who wanted to take control now

Peculiar Caterpillar

Us humans are funny creatures don't you think? Very. But it's really hard. To be a human. Can I be a tiger? How is that easier? It's not. But at least... Animals don't wear masks. Can they even talk? Can they even think? But they can love. And they love truly. I have a funny way on assembling my thoughts and getting them organized lately. When I first started writing, that's not what was in my mind, but it ended up this way. Humans are weird. Peculiar. Aren't we? Oh, what's a caterpillar got to do with this again? Nothing. Just because it rhymes, so yeah.

Untitled #1

She's been away from reality for too long.  She's been too comfortable with a world she created on her own that she refused to even take a peek of what's happening in the real world.  But as time passes by, her perfect world started to reform.  It compromises lies, betrayal, hatred, sympathy, anguish and fear. Trick of time then finesse them into icing. Icing which then frosted the rainbow cake that she has been baking with fire. Every. Single. Layer. What's the difference then? She asked. A question that everyone knows the answer to but no one was ever willing to put them into words. For fear that words, would confirm the ugly truth. So we keep it all inside. Frost it.  Again and again. "It's okay to come back." "But I don't want to come back. Even if my world started to take a form of the world that I once despised and left." "She would never leave." She's broke. Because he has spent all of her
Have you ever looked back in your life and realize that there are things you thought you could never do, but still, you got through it. Remember those hard times, and when you think you can't do it, think and remind yourself again how you went through it. It's the same process. The difference is, how you embrace it each time.

It's Okay

It's sad. Because in the end, you're gonna have to force yourself into believing that some things are just, irreversible. No matter how hard you tried. What's done is done. And it cannot be undone. Things will change, it'll never be the same. People might not understand, they are all subjected to what only they could see. And that's okay. It really is. Because it'll help you for a better tomorrow. So cheer up love. Because come rain or storm, we will always have each other. As long as stars are above you, and me. :)
This is one of those many points in life where though the whole world keeps on pushing you forward, you just can't move. Because, you just. Can't.

The Crossroads

Assalamualaikum! :) So, 3 more days to Ramadhan eay? Alhamdulillah :)      That reminds me, we have another four days to go before our final paper. And after that will be heading straight back to Terengganu biiznillah. God, the mere thought of it send me an inexplicable joy! Cannot wait to go hooome!      On another chapter of life, this is one of those times I am at the crossroads of life. I am actually having a hard time deciding on something I have once loved but not quite sure of whether a comeback would be a good idea now. Seeing the juniors getting so excited and all hyped up about it makes me envious. Envy of that very spirit that used to reside inside of me long time ago that I don't even know that it is still there or not. My loves have been supporting me, convincing me that nothing goes to waste just by trying. That I should give this a go. But then again, I am still at the crossroad. I know that taking a step back would be a disgrace, but at the same time, the idea

Semester 4

Assalamualaikum :) I'll tell you what you already know For You, Angus and Julia Stone.      Alhamdulillah we are finally done with Semester 4! My God going to the third year already how time flies!      So a review for the fourth semester? I have jumbled up thoughts at the moment but let's see how it goes.      Weird. I would say that semester 4 has been weird. It's a freaking weird semester that I just can't wait for it to end. It's a semester where you get to see that the colour pink is actually red. And that mustard colour, is just a plain yellow. And that, you never actually liked the colour turquoise. It also the semester where I get to see other colours to be painted in the canvas of life. It's a semester where I abandoned Jacob Black and went alone to become a werewolf on my own, except that yeah I don't have that wolf pack stuff of Seth, Lia and all. It's a semester where I actually thought that, hey maybe it's not really a bad th

Abstrak

Rasa yang tak sama. Kadang aku tertanya, apa aku yang berbeza, atau engkau punya perspektif sekata? Kalau ditanya hati, kalau saja hati itu bisa beri jawapan yang terus tanpa selindung dengan perasaan abstrak yang sukar aku tebak, mungkin saja subjek ini akan menjadi lebih mudah. Tapi kau, bicara soal hati. Hati yang aku sendiri gagal fahami. Operasinya, kehendaknya, mahunya dan pertahanannya. Yang aku mampu cuma rasa. Rasa yang aku sendiri gagal kawal. Mungkin. Pada mata manusia amnya, ros merah itu cantik. Dahlah cantik, wangi lagi! Lalu kau petik, tanpa sedar kau luka terkena duri. Pada aku warna cantik, bau wangi, itu semua hanya perangkap untuk menjerat manusia merasa peritnya tusukan duri. Yang takkan pernah. Sembuh. Munkin, kita memang langsung tak sama.

Who Knows Who Cares

Because I can't verbalize this. This. THIS. This. Feeling. And this is the closest that I can get to.

The Last Weak/Week

     It's the last week of semester four where emotional rides is most rigorous. I remembered calling Abah in sem 3 to complain about the load of work we were having at that moment. And he simply said, "If you have a lot of work, then go do your work. It's better to have a lot of work rather than nothing to do at all."      At one time, you may feel suffocated with all the workload and everything. It only takes one phone call and suddenly the next moment you are at ease without any particular reason, despite all the work and tests.      Those such moments, I'd like to think that it's Ma and Abah sending prayers to God, praying that He would ease it all for me. :)

Final Weeks

Assalamualaikum.      It's been a long time since I last dropped by here on this little hut of mine so hai everyone! So far, we only have two more weeks before this semester ends God I can't believe it's already four semesters of me doing my degree. This semester went by quickly. Very quickly actually but I am very thankful for He has granted me the strength to still be here, and keep on walking though my pace might be slower. I'm enjoying the moments in my own way so that's okay hihi.      By far, I gotta say that this semester has been the toughest one I had. Yeah I know that I said that like every semester but seriously this time around I swear that it is the toughest one. Academically speaking and also uhm, in other terms. Because this semester has been quite tough, I have learned a lot of things. Like, a lot. But most things are better kept to yourself, just like this semester's lessons. He taught me the lessons of life, in a very beautiful way though o

The Irony of Thirst is the Thirst Itself

There is this one feel, Like a never ending thirst, In the middle of the desert,  Burning in your throat, Demanding to be aid. Under the glaring sun, Where all you could see was nothing but sand. You'd walk, and when you see a glimpse of what it appears to be like aqua,  you'd run towards it,  striving to get there but you could never actually find it.  Mirage they call it. Like the process of learning, It's a type of thirst you could never quench. But sometimes,  You are convinced by nafs, You've known enough, You've seen the water, But how come you never find it? And by the end of the day,  you figured that this is a type of thirst you could never quench, And you'd be dying asking for extra time everyday, Lamenting on the past you've wasted, Promising God knows who, That you'd use it wisely next time. Wishing you'd learn more when you were younger, So that you've already known more by now, Bu

Decoding the Secret

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Assalamualaikum :)      Have you ever, gone a certain situation and you had some questions going on in your mind, asking, wondering about it and you hope to find an answer for that. And when you go on online, there's always, someone's status/tweet, or even events we see in our everyday life, chunks of conversations of/with other people, knocking the sense into your head, answering your questions indirectly. For all we know, all those kinda status updates are always there, like days already. And those conversations, are only the rituals of everyday life. That telephone call or those text messages.But how come that upon the first reading/hearing we are not so attracted to the gist of it? Only when we had something in mind which from one's status update/conversation chunk, text/ phone call/events in everyday life we found one of our answers for our questions we tend to react to it in a more, reflective way.      The same things. Things we usually see as mundane and of

Lost, Quite.

"We keep handing out our gifts, a gilded age keeps our hearts stiff and apart." Crosseyed, The Morning Benders. "You lost me." "Already?" "No. Long time ago."

Unheard Voices

I have something to say. And I wanted to say something.  I could hear the voices inside my head, whispering, talking, screaming even, demanding to be materialized into words. But this is one of those days that all you wanted to do is stare at the blank paper, do nothing and pretend that you are an existence in a world where people could not find you. Half part of mine believed that things, when written are more clear and easily organized. I could see what went wrong, what should be eradicated and what thoughts exactly should I be allowing in my head. But every time I got here, they were somehow, hidden and silent but you could still feel the vibrate of the unheard voices. Oh the irony. Back off voices, we'd be dealing with this different way this time.

The See-Through Sliding Door

Assalamualaikum. I just went and gave my old blog a visit. I still remember the very first time I blog.      It was during the SPM break. After we were done with our Science subject papers and other normal papers (BM, BI etc) we have quite a few days of break before the next paper which were PQS and PSI papers, if I am not mistaken. But anyway, the break was quite long. So I sign up for blogger.  'And it was the best decision I have ever made!!!' statement would make a good impression here but honestly, I am still deciding whether it was the best decision I have ever made or not.      But anyway, during my early days of blogging, I enjoyed it. I remember typing my first post, Kak Long's laptop on my lap and my fingers dancing on the keyboard, typing eagerly. I was sitting at the end of the queen sized bed, leaning on the wall. As a matter of fact, I actually remember that I was still in my school uniform, just came back from sitting a paper. But of cour

Weekend Week 5

Assalamualaikum. So I spent my weekend in Terengganu last week or do we say uhm, three days ago? Yep. I went through that ten hour drive and finally reached home at about 4 a.m I think. Woke up late the next day. A bit. As I was lepaking with my sisters in the kitchen having breakfast I could hear Abah's voice from the family room. 'Ain mana Ain? Nok kelih ni lamo doh dok kelih." smiling and that chuckle. So I went and salam him and a hug. And there's Mama. And everyone. And the kittens. That ten hour grueling journey? And that 9 hour journey back to Shah Alam last night? Was definitely worth a day and a half well spent in Terengganu. Alhamdulillah :)

Screw That Nail

- It is certainly something unpleasant that whenever things are getting ugly, thoughts of solutions coming were only in the form of escapism. Avoid. Run. Hide. While a part of you wanted things to be sorted out, another part would protest, "Screw it. It's done." Though the fact was that, you never even had anything at all to begin with. - Screw it. Screwed. ? Can I have a nail please?

Appearance

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Somewhere here And today He opened my eyes to something, to never underestimate the power of appearance, and how misguided could people be deceived by it.

Rindu

"When I see my face in the mirror, we look so alike that it makes me shiver." If You Could See Me Now, The Script.

YayNay Weekend

Assalamualaikum.      It's weekend and I'm not exactly sure how have I been feeling. I've been going back and forth considering whether I should or not go home for Kak Anis's wedding and when I did decide that I wanted to go home, the tickets were all sold out. Why. Did. I. Forgot. About. The. Upcoming. School. Holiday? -.-' So yeah. Nay for Terengganu weekend plan. Tapiiiiii, look at that silver lining owh so pwetty. I get to attend the Mufti Menk's talks insyaAllah with my favourite girls! Yeay, for, Shah Alam, weekend plan? I still miss Terengganu though.      Anyway, alf mabruk for my lil sister Iqah Cheeqahhh for your SPM result. We are so proud of you Alhamdulillah! :D There, blog updated! Have a happy and productive weekend people!

Tolong?

Tiada tanda harga,  Tiada harta Yang ada cuma jiwa  Ku persembahkan dalam raga  Yang binasa dimamah dunia. "Tolong terima?"

Bersama

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Kadang aku tertanya, "Ahai, mana hujungnya untuk semua yang datang bertimpa-timpa?" Tapi aku lupa. :) Kesenangan itu datang bersama kesusahan, bukan selepasnya. Dah namanya hidup di dunia. Ko guano? :)

Semester 4

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It's Thursday of the second week of Semester 4. So . . . How's it going?      I guess all is well. I kinda miss everyone in Terengganu but well, I guess that's not new. If I do not have any commitments, I'll be heading back to Terengganu next weekend for my cousin's wedding biiznillah. Though Mama said that it's okay to not go but hey, I'm not letting go of any chance I see. Hihi.       Truth to be told, I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I am already turning 21 this year. And also the fact that we are already halfway to finishing our degree. Phew, how time flies kan? Always I feel like I am still a child of twelve years-old, trapped in a body of a 21. Haha. This semester, insyaAllah, I have promised myself to be more independent. And I've promised to work harder, something which is pretty hard to do as when it comes to this, the battle is always with the inner side. Nobody could really tell you what to do. At one point, you

Finding What is Lost

I'm tryin' to put it all back together. I've got a story and I'm tryin' to tell it right. I've got the kerosene and the desire. I'm trying to start a flame in the heart of the night  The Fray, Heartbeat.

Hello | My Wish

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Well yeah, I know 'than' was mispronounced as 'then' but well, yeah. It may come and hunt you down,  Regardless of place and time, Don't be scared, don't run. Most of all, don't let your guard down. And always know, you are safe under the acknowledgement of the All Knowing One. :) So, hello there.

Just Give Me A Reason

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Well, because I have been having this one on my replay lately. The more I listen to a song, more different interpretations come in. Everyone need a reason for something and once you found your ultimate reason for living, it keeps you going, you live.  And there's a difference between just live, and living your life. It doesn't have to be a person, not necessarily, just something special. It could be anything. It could be one thing, and it could be among so many things. As I listen to the song, I found it palatable to my thoughts, not in a way that you are in a romantic relationship (I'm guessing that's the main idea of the song originally) but, it is more than that. Put the idea of a song in an ocean of thought, and you'll be in amazement finding the ink running in different directions, but still, on the same ocean. It makes listening to songs more, universal and intriguing. I'm guessing learning literature had something to do with thi

Like a Snowflake

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Sini 사랑은 눈꽃처럼 다가오나봐 손 내밀어 담아보지만 늘 녹아버려 Well, yeah. I just copy paste it but still . . . Anyway Google translate didn't do a really good job translating it, I've tried.

Hey There #1

Assalamualaikum. "Searching to find myself, but all I find is you." It's 22nd February. So I guess in another nine days I'll be starting the new semester.  Yeay :|      Truth to be told, I don't feel like going back to Shah Alam at all. Not even a bit of enthusiasm. Like seriously, compared to getting into the previous three semesters. Looking at my last semester's exam result, I got like a lot to cover and to catch up but why oh why, semangat yang hilaaaang, kita cari pulaaaaang. Yeah ain't got no nothing to fuel up the motivation. But I guess it will slowly come to me as I get into the atmosphere, hopefully.      When I went to school the other day with Ayu to visit Sir Zaharani and other teachers, we met Cikgu Mat Noor, the counselling teacher. So he asked me, how was my result? A question to which I reply with only a smile, hehe. Segan ah.Then he told me that the other day, a former student of our school also came to visit, her res

Senjatanya ialah Cinta

Depan kau tebar kata cinta, Madu dan gula, madu dan gula ulangannya, Kata-kata dibuat jala, Untuk perangkap sisa kononnya. Tapi belakang erat kau genggam senjata, Sedia kau hunus bila saja dia alpa. Cinta? Bahaya.  Jaga madahmu wahai manusia.

Astounding Mercy

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I keep on forgetting, yet, He keep on giving. Alhamdulillah :) Here

Tariq Ramadan - The Quest for Meaning

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"Without discipline, my ego is the first jail of myself."

Cerminan Nombor Lapan

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They never look to see me fly, so I never have to lie. (Imagine Dragons, Tiptoe) Unleash your, unleashed side? "Andai saja kau tahu betapa dunia ini satu medium penipuan yang licik." Suara Wahid perlahan menuturkan nasihat berbekas falsafah kehidupan 20 tahun, memecah sunyi yang kian membukit antara mereka. "Mungkin, mungkin aku sudah lama tahu. Tapi kenapa ya, susah sungguh hati ini berpegang pada yang satu itu?" Hadi membalas. "Satu . . ." Perkataan itu diulang Wahid, lucu barangkali memikirkan betapa perkataan itu merefleksikan makna namanya. Setelah beberapa saat berfikir, dia menyambung bicara, "Untuk manusia, kalau ada satu, maka satu itulah juga yang dia akan pegang. Bebas dari pilihan kerana tiada pilihan. Sebaliknya, jika kau punya banyak pilihan, payah lah hati itu mahu memilih, apa lagi berpegang teguh pada yang satu." "Seperti pergi membeli belah." "Ya, seperti pergi membeli-belah. It

Demons by Imagine Dragons

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   Ever since I started listening to Imagine Dragon's music, I kinda get hooked. I love it how heir music diversify beautifully, so different from one to another. It took me quite some time to go song by song. I don't know about you guys but I found some songs sometimes are kinda deep. It really is hard to tell what exactly the song writer is trying to convey by his music only by listening and assuming. Sometimes I wish that each song comes with the description of the background on how the song was inspired and written with the meanings and all or maybe there are MusicLiterature classes where we could interpret song lyrics haha lulz. One of the songs I love, thus making it qualified as this week's music choice (bajit Billboard chart haha) is . . . *drumroll Wait, the tittle is already up there. Oh well.  I just love the trail of imagination it could initiate at the first hearing and the way it opens up to so many interpretations. I heard this quite a few ti

Tasteless Coffee

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Assalamualaikum. I've heard a super tsugoi analogy between hardship and life today. I altered it a bit though but still . . .      There was once a young man who had encountered so many many many hardships and endured so many many many unfortunate events in his life that he almost give up his life. His last resort was meeting a very famous motivational speaker at his town, sort of. He was hoping to get some advice. Let's just picture that speaker as an old wise guy with white beard wearing tiny spectacles, well now I'm picturing Dumbledore -.-'  Ah well that'll do.       So anyway, the young man asked the old man, "Oh wise old man, I have encountered so many hardships in my life. How do I deal with this?" And the old man told him, "Go to my kitchen. Take a handful of coffee powder and a glass of water. And the young man did as he was told. "Now, put that coffee into that glass of water and drink it. How does it taste like?" As

Love Letter #3

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Kamsahamnida. Here :) "Mungkin Dia mahu mendidik, agar kekuatan itu kita cari dari-Nya yang terutama, bukan sokongan manusia semata." One's doubt actually taught us to have faith in ourselves which in the journey of establishing one, we look for the ultimate source of faith. May He guide us to the right path, and remind us of things we tend to forget in the wonders of everyday life.

It's Time by Imagine Dragons

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At some point, you're gonna have to start anyway. Somewhere, sometime. It's time to begin isn't it?

Another Dot

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I'm letting it all go. Here Wish list reviewed,  edited, and finalized. It's not giving up, it's being realistic. Maybe I'm putting another label to it,  maybe it has just occurred to me how absurd they all were. maybe I'm just running away. Regardless of what it actually is, I'm still letting it go. Hopefully, this will end up somewhere good/better. Biiznillah.

Book Review: Extremely Loud Incredibly Close

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      Unexpected incidents caught our emotions off guard. My question is, even if we do prepare ourselves for such loss, could we be sure that we will be okay? Would we handle things differently or will the overwhelming emotions still be catching on us?  Left. Right. Thank you Eera Zaher, for lending this to me :)      As I put the book down, I had this bottled up feelings inside of me, which content are from the emotions that all the characters have been going through. Like I was a part of them too. Oskar Schell, aged 9 has lost his father to the 9/11 incident. They had a very close relationship so it was very hard for him to deal with the loss. Different people dealt with their loss differently but they always got to the same place as they walk, a wall. There will always be this big, solid invisible wall built from all of your emotions that separated you from the real world. They could come in a square, a circle, a rectangle or even triangle with you in the