Nia Ilemor

I have tried, again and again, for months, and I still can't. My Lord, I surrender.

"And I have been asking myself for a very long time now whether I can afford to risk losing everything I have yet to acquire worthy of a year, just to find myself back." "Why the hell can't you?" "Fear." "I guess, fear will always be there. We are always scared of losing things, people, that sometimes, we want to outpace the foreboding loss. We overthink. So we went to destroy everything in our way, before it gets the chance to destroy us. Us humans, and our coping mechanism. Weird, isn't it? But guess what? This fear, is never gonna leave you, no matter how hard you try to outrun it. You can't outrun something that's already living inside of you. Best you can do is try to coexist with it. Understand it, so you can stop it from leading you to self-sabotaging impulsive decisions." He chuckled as he relived his misery in tears. "Well if you're lucky, you might find someone foolish enough who will not be deterred b

Music Vibes; My Friends, Oh Wonder Reading Brave New World reminds of The Giver Quartet. So much.           But I think I enjoyed The Giver even more. I miss Thomas.The premise of both books talks about conditioning human for the 'greater good'. One of the conditioning involve stripping them off emotions, because that's the exact conundrum that drives everyone unstable. Render the concept of marriage, or love, irrelevant so that you won't berate yourselves over feelings you can't comprehend. Stability right?           When I was younger, I marveled at the different ways people handle their emotions. It was odd for me that one similar event, trivial or not, affect people differently. Over time I have come to understand that some people are just born with the capacity to feel more than the rest of us. It took me a longer time to recognize, and to admit that I was one of them. Certain events that appear to be nothing for other people, can shake me. Paralyze me i

I was listening to; Lifetimes & My Friends by Oh Wonder            I just recently finished reading Merantau ke Deli by Hamka. And there was one part of the book that made me thought of something. If you are not familiar with the plot of the story, it is basically about a lupa daratan suami yang kahwin dua sekaligus terlupakan jasa isteri pertama yang susah senang jatuh bangun bersama sampai kaya. Long story short, he divorced the first wife, Poniem . Following that verdict, his once a worker now a business partner, Suyono, chose to follow the wife, because duh the (ex)husband is definitely a jerk. If there is a word that could concisely describe my feeling after reading this book, that word would be, 'hiba.' So after Poniem and Suyono left, they had to start from zero again. The writer describe their relationship as 'seperti saudara'. Over time, they slowly rise up to once they were and they were doing quite well. Poniem was a few years older than Suyono and s

          There's no point really. I have no idea why do I make so much effort to put up a new blog when I can just use this one. So mafan one hahaha. But I guess, at one point of your life, you just kinda wanna feel, new. You want to start anew, and you want a fresh start, you want to disassociate yourself from the past. Kinda. Well, that's a lost cause because you are made up from the past. So when I was tidying up my digital documentations the other day, I thought of how tiring and odd this is. Trying to reconstruct one life, from two different places. This is where it has begun, and this shall be where I picked up from what I have left, and simply, move forward. While there are a lot of things I wish I could have done differently in some parts of my life, I should not run away from my past mistakes. They are acknowledged, and they should be remembered, for future reminders. That being said, I think I ought to repost the posts here. Later lah.           Two weeks into