#1
"And I have been asking myself for a very long time now whether I can afford to risk losing everything I have yet to acquire worthy of a year, just to find myself back."
"Why the hell can't you?"
"Fear."
"I guess, fear will always be there. We are always scared of losing things, people, that sometimes, we want to outpace the foreboding loss. We overthink. So we went to destroy everything in our way, before it gets the chance to destroy us. Us humans, and our coping mechanism. Weird, isn't it? But guess what? This fear, is never gonna leave you, no matter how hard you try to outrun it. You can't outrun something that's already living inside of you. Best you can do is try to coexist with it. Understand it, so you can stop it from leading you to self-sabotaging impulsive decisions."
He chuckled as he relived his misery in tears.
"Well if you're lucky, you might find someone foolish enough who will not be deterred by your incomprehensible behaviour. But people get tired too. After a while. You can't expect everyone to stay."
"So you've got to find other ways, to make it alone, or keep a straight face."
"Really? Paramore? That's the best you can come up with?"
He gave a faint smile.
"Yeah, and it's hard to change yourself. This, conditioning. Some would say it's an excuse. They're lucky they don't have to carry this burden everywhere they go."
He gave a short disappointed sigh.
"Best you can do is, learn from your mistakes, and minimize the collateral damage."
"Exactly. You should be able to understand yourself a lot better now. Good. At least there's some progress."
"The illusion of progress."
They both chuckled.
"But you understand right? The fear that you mentioned earlier is irrelevant, considering how conscious you are of yourself. If things are meant to be broken, they're not gonna stop breaking only because you put a pause. Vice versa. I mean, you don't even know what you are afraid of losing because those are the things you 'think' you will have. 1: you don't know if you're gonna get it 2) Even if you do, you don't know if it's gold or bad."
"Yeah, well... I guess you have a point"
"So go do whatever the hell you think you need to do to heal yourself. Unfortunately, this is a journey you need to take alone. Long road ahead chap, long, and lonely road. Time is irrelant in this journey. You gotta walk as long as you need. Take your own sweet time to be better. And trust His plan."
"At least I got Him."
"Yeah, at least you got Him."
"He knows, even things that you don't know about yourself" 53:32
"And He is closer to you, than your jugular vein." 50:16
"And this, fear. Have you forgotten? What is meant for you, will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains. What isn't meant for you, won't reach you even if it is between your two lips."
They both smiled in acknowledgment.
"Why the hell can't you?"
"Fear."
"I guess, fear will always be there. We are always scared of losing things, people, that sometimes, we want to outpace the foreboding loss. We overthink. So we went to destroy everything in our way, before it gets the chance to destroy us. Us humans, and our coping mechanism. Weird, isn't it? But guess what? This fear, is never gonna leave you, no matter how hard you try to outrun it. You can't outrun something that's already living inside of you. Best you can do is try to coexist with it. Understand it, so you can stop it from leading you to self-sabotaging impulsive decisions."
He chuckled as he relived his misery in tears.
"Well if you're lucky, you might find someone foolish enough who will not be deterred by your incomprehensible behaviour. But people get tired too. After a while. You can't expect everyone to stay."
"So you've got to find other ways, to make it alone, or keep a straight face."
"Really? Paramore? That's the best you can come up with?"
He gave a faint smile.
"Yeah, and it's hard to change yourself. This, conditioning. Some would say it's an excuse. They're lucky they don't have to carry this burden everywhere they go."
He gave a short disappointed sigh.
"Best you can do is, learn from your mistakes, and minimize the collateral damage."
"Exactly. You should be able to understand yourself a lot better now. Good. At least there's some progress."
"The illusion of progress."
They both chuckled.
"But you understand right? The fear that you mentioned earlier is irrelevant, considering how conscious you are of yourself. If things are meant to be broken, they're not gonna stop breaking only because you put a pause. Vice versa. I mean, you don't even know what you are afraid of losing because those are the things you 'think' you will have. 1: you don't know if you're gonna get it 2) Even if you do, you don't know if it's gold or bad."
"Yeah, well... I guess you have a point"
"So go do whatever the hell you think you need to do to heal yourself. Unfortunately, this is a journey you need to take alone. Long road ahead chap, long, and lonely road. Time is irrelant in this journey. You gotta walk as long as you need. Take your own sweet time to be better. And trust His plan."
"At least I got Him."
"Yeah, at least you got Him."
"He knows, even things that you don't know about yourself" 53:32
"And He is closer to you, than your jugular vein." 50:16
"And this, fear. Have you forgotten? What is meant for you, will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains. What isn't meant for you, won't reach you even if it is between your two lips."
They both smiled in acknowledgment.
The chronicles of the living dead
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