The North Pole of Life
In trying to overcome the recent longest woeful enigma that I had in my life, I have had way too many conversations with my close friends who attentively listened to my woes, and helped me to locate the sources of the agony so that I could strategize better in fighting against the misery. I do realize that I am very lucky, to have a very supportive social circle who would offer me different perspectives, helping me to further understand myself. It's scary how sometimes, some people know you better that you do. But it's like a good kind of scary because they help you to understand yourself too. I realize that in solving your own dilemmas, you have to be clear with yourself. Oftentimes, people realize that they are feeling sad, but have you ever really sit down, and try to understand the sadness itself? Have you ever try to have an honest conversation with yourself? Ask yourself questions you might refuse to answer to other people. Do you take active effort to get over it, or do you merely rely on the power of time to take it away and suffer as you wait for it to pass? Time doesn't really heal, it's the things that you do during all those time that does.
Confrontations are never comfortable. It can get ugly and scary when it comes to other people and even more with yourself. You are forced to recognize your weakness, and for you to do so you need to admit what are the things that make you weak, and not many people are willing to do so. It's understandable. It would take a lot of your mental energy and it can get really tiring. In the process of trying to heal myself from an event that has recently shattered me, I have been forced, to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions about myself. Of course, at the beginning, I went through the five stages of grief, but I think, it is only today that I have finally come to really understand, the big WHY and HOW can I move on after an eye opening conversation with my friend.
Listing down questions you need answering is the first step in confronting your misery. And I think, in the effort of trying to answer all these questions, I have come to admit my mistakes, swallow the bitter reality that comes with it, and I have learned to forgive myself for it while at the same time, taking the lessons so that I will not repeat them in the future. Go easy on yourself, you have done what you deemed was the best for yourself. Even though there were flaws in that course of action, you did it with the best intention for yourself. Admit your mistakes, cry over it, and then move on. Be better. Wallowing in self-pity won't fix the problem anyway and it is already in the past. There is literally nothing else you can do for yourself except to do better in the future. And yes, this is a very difficult process, and it'll take time. Be patient with yourself.
Some people might not get it. They would hear your story, and they would tell you to just move on. But here's the thing about moving on, it cannot happen only because you want it to happen. It's not like I don't know what I needed to do, yes, I need to let it go but for me to be able to let it go, I have to understand what are the things that still attach me to the problem. And I have to figure out ways of how to detach myself from it. Be it memories, snippets of conversation, certain songs, or certain events that remind me of it. And this process of detaching yourself too, takes time, and conscious effort that could tire you out. It does not do to run away and evade it. Best you can do is try to neutralize the feelings, detach, detach, detach. Accept your sentimental feelings as they are. Let them sit with you in your present. You are allowed to remember it. It has, after all, become pieces of you. Accept these pieces and let it co-exist with you. But never let it affect you ever again. Different people have different coping mechanisms, and you need to identify what works the best for you no matter how many times you need to try. After a while you will realize that moving on does not mean that you have to forget everything, it simply means that being able to remember them but no longer finding them meaningful. You don't get to easily forget what was once part of you. Hence, it is best to find ways to co-exist with them without feeling any form of resentment.
Last but not least, expectations. Identify the expectations that has led you to this disappointment. List them down, and analyze them again. Are these expectations realistic to begin with? And if they are not, you need to know why and what are the expectations that you need to fix in accordance to your reality? As humans, it is inevitable that we will have expectations. Therefore, it is important to always do a reality check with yourself. A person's expectations would usually match with what he/she is willing to settle. If you refuse to settle for less, it would be even harder for you to set unrealistic expectations. If you are like me, who has always have problems with managing expectations, well, again, time, experience, and observations on human nature will help you a lot. Hehe.
Wowe I am beginning to feel the textbook vibes in this post (haha). But you know, honestly, after you have gone through certain types of heartbreaks in life, while you are going through the agony, it is so easy to lose hope. Some would even go as far as losing faith in themselves, believing that they are unworthy of good things in life, telling themselves that they are worthy of this misery. Only at this point I realized why do people keep talking about never losing hope as this used to sound so cliche to me that it does not really mean anything rather than words spoken just to fill in the gaps of silences. But you know what they say, it gets cliche because it's true (logically, many people say it, or heard it, and agree to it, and say it again, hence the repetition) sometimes the only way to say it is the way it has been done so many times before. Especially when it comes to heartbreaks in relationship. Hence, it is important for us to keep on telling ourselves to be positive, no matter how tiring it gets, or you'll get stuck in the cycle of negativity (which is also very tiring) so choose which tiring ordeal would you rather go through. No matter how many times life drowns us, we need to have the strength to keep on going, and to keep on believing that there is a silver lining somewhere, hidden. All we have to do is, be patient, while at the same time keep on working on bettering ourselves. "Aku adalah menurut sangkaan hamba-Ku" and even the Law of Attraction stresses a lot on attracting good things with good thoughts.
We will come to face these hurdles at some different points in our life, and it's not always gonna be easy but with every difficulty, there's ease. In every hardship, there is always a silver lining and many other uncountable blessings. If things get a little bit overwhelming, it's okay to take a break. Put on pause on life, and retreat to your own comfort. If you are currently going through a hard time, I pray that Allah would ease it all for you. I pray that He would grant you inner peace despite the calamity, and I pray that you will be given unyielding strength to always move forward :)
Choose your North Pole of life.
Confrontations are never comfortable. It can get ugly and scary when it comes to other people and even more with yourself. You are forced to recognize your weakness, and for you to do so you need to admit what are the things that make you weak, and not many people are willing to do so. It's understandable. It would take a lot of your mental energy and it can get really tiring. In the process of trying to heal myself from an event that has recently shattered me, I have been forced, to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions about myself. Of course, at the beginning, I went through the five stages of grief, but I think, it is only today that I have finally come to really understand, the big WHY and HOW can I move on after an eye opening conversation with my friend.
Listing down questions you need answering is the first step in confronting your misery. And I think, in the effort of trying to answer all these questions, I have come to admit my mistakes, swallow the bitter reality that comes with it, and I have learned to forgive myself for it while at the same time, taking the lessons so that I will not repeat them in the future. Go easy on yourself, you have done what you deemed was the best for yourself. Even though there were flaws in that course of action, you did it with the best intention for yourself. Admit your mistakes, cry over it, and then move on. Be better. Wallowing in self-pity won't fix the problem anyway and it is already in the past. There is literally nothing else you can do for yourself except to do better in the future. And yes, this is a very difficult process, and it'll take time. Be patient with yourself.
Some people might not get it. They would hear your story, and they would tell you to just move on. But here's the thing about moving on, it cannot happen only because you want it to happen. It's not like I don't know what I needed to do, yes, I need to let it go but for me to be able to let it go, I have to understand what are the things that still attach me to the problem. And I have to figure out ways of how to detach myself from it. Be it memories, snippets of conversation, certain songs, or certain events that remind me of it. And this process of detaching yourself too, takes time, and conscious effort that could tire you out. It does not do to run away and evade it. Best you can do is try to neutralize the feelings, detach, detach, detach. Accept your sentimental feelings as they are. Let them sit with you in your present. You are allowed to remember it. It has, after all, become pieces of you. Accept these pieces and let it co-exist with you. But never let it affect you ever again. Different people have different coping mechanisms, and you need to identify what works the best for you no matter how many times you need to try. After a while you will realize that moving on does not mean that you have to forget everything, it simply means that being able to remember them but no longer finding them meaningful. You don't get to easily forget what was once part of you. Hence, it is best to find ways to co-exist with them without feeling any form of resentment.
Last but not least, expectations. Identify the expectations that has led you to this disappointment. List them down, and analyze them again. Are these expectations realistic to begin with? And if they are not, you need to know why and what are the expectations that you need to fix in accordance to your reality? As humans, it is inevitable that we will have expectations. Therefore, it is important to always do a reality check with yourself. A person's expectations would usually match with what he/she is willing to settle. If you refuse to settle for less, it would be even harder for you to set unrealistic expectations. If you are like me, who has always have problems with managing expectations, well, again, time, experience, and observations on human nature will help you a lot. Hehe.
Wowe I am beginning to feel the textbook vibes in this post (haha). But you know, honestly, after you have gone through certain types of heartbreaks in life, while you are going through the agony, it is so easy to lose hope. Some would even go as far as losing faith in themselves, believing that they are unworthy of good things in life, telling themselves that they are worthy of this misery. Only at this point I realized why do people keep talking about never losing hope as this used to sound so cliche to me that it does not really mean anything rather than words spoken just to fill in the gaps of silences. But you know what they say, it gets cliche because it's true (logically, many people say it, or heard it, and agree to it, and say it again, hence the repetition) sometimes the only way to say it is the way it has been done so many times before. Especially when it comes to heartbreaks in relationship. Hence, it is important for us to keep on telling ourselves to be positive, no matter how tiring it gets, or you'll get stuck in the cycle of negativity (which is also very tiring) so choose which tiring ordeal would you rather go through. No matter how many times life drowns us, we need to have the strength to keep on going, and to keep on believing that there is a silver lining somewhere, hidden. All we have to do is, be patient, while at the same time keep on working on bettering ourselves. "Aku adalah menurut sangkaan hamba-Ku" and even the Law of Attraction stresses a lot on attracting good things with good thoughts.
We will come to face these hurdles at some different points in our life, and it's not always gonna be easy but with every difficulty, there's ease. In every hardship, there is always a silver lining and many other uncountable blessings. If things get a little bit overwhelming, it's okay to take a break. Put on pause on life, and retreat to your own comfort. If you are currently going through a hard time, I pray that Allah would ease it all for you. I pray that He would grant you inner peace despite the calamity, and I pray that you will be given unyielding strength to always move forward :)
Choose your North Pole of life.
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