Dec 17, 2010

Indecipherable

     There are times when he will feel absolutely nothing. Empty may not be a right word to describe this as it conveys a deeper message than the definition of the emptiness itself. Sometimes, in some parts of his life, an indescribable, unfathomable and undecipherable feeling will come, settling in a chapter of his life in a way which he don't even understand. Whatever the impetus is, he will  never be able to identify it accurately. Feeling this, even having a meal which may be a daily part that he always look forward everyday seems like a hassle. Watching a favourite show would turned out to be the playing screen staring at his smooth clueless face. In times like this, he don't bother much to talk much or maybe not at all. He wouldn't bother much to do anything but still, the responsibility that he held kept him going. Just like that. He kept on living through the miserable days, telling himself that this will past, sooner or later.


     As weeks passed by, he still had the feeling. It is as if, living in a world of his own. Other people are just like another extras in a film. Insignificant one. A film where he is the leading role but with no storyline, no dialogue, no heroine and no other leading roles. Just him. Only him. Living in the world by himself. Though life gets him in the hardest way beyond any expectation to survive, he still does. 
     "Tell me, how to feel good?" Silent. 
     "Tell me, what do I do to feel better?" Silent again. 
     "Tell me, please..." 
It doesn't even sounds like a plea to anyone. He doesn't even talk. It sounds more like he was talking to himself, trying to find a solution but never did he take the questions another step further. He just left them hanging there. Solemnity filled the air. Again, he doesn't even care to care much for he was confident, that this feeling, will fade away. Yes, it will. Of course it will and when it does, never will he feel the same way again.




Don't tell me you know how much it hurts, because even I don't know how to weight the feelings on scale.

4 comments:

  1. I think the correct term you are looking for is anhedonia or anhedonic.. But, yeah.. Indecipherable works.. :)

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  2. Haha, I'm quite positive that that's not it. My character is not a schizophrenic Arif :P

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  3. 'sounds' like it but that's not it :P

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