Because I am a human, flawed and never was perfect.
As 2012 ended, I always thought that I should do a post-mortem of myself. But often it got stalled because truth to be told, I found out that 2012 has been able to point out so many of my flaws that has put me on shame. Shame of the mistakes. Silly mistakes I might add. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I always avoided that post-mortem. On the other hand, I am so grateful that He had showed me that before the disease got worse and incurable. Alhamdulillah. Yeah, He did showed me a lot through the people around me and I could never thank HIM enough for that.
There was a lot to be thankful for though sometimes I prove to be not strong enough to be thankful for everything as my guard was pulled down to the centre of the earth by the worldly temptations, leaving me defenseless. One of the things that I am most thankful for is the people around me. To be specific, my dear classmates. They reminded me of simple things that I have forgotten which if it is lost, can lead me to a big loss. No matter how a unicorn of emotional ride I had (yeah, there were lots of them in 2012), at least I know that I would always be going back to the people who would be able to remind me of the good side of it. Ya know, like finding diamonds in the midst of ashes. Okay, that doesn't sound like a good analogy but oh well.
Actually, there were a lot of things from 2012 but to sum it up, I guess the first one that comes into my mind are the one that I found more meaningful were:
1) Independence. More independent, mentally, spiritually and physically (though I'm still working on that)
2) To be grateful for everything I have specifically, my family. It's good to know that no matter how messed up you are, they would always be there watching your back. Alhamdulillah.
3) My friends and classmates. For being a good reminder of so many important little things in so many ways. Very supportive too. Such an awesome group of people they are. Allah bless them.
4) Something that you love doing in the past doesn't necessarily have to be in your present to make you feel good because at every stage, life could be highlighted by so many different things. I fret so much of not trying to get into the debate team in Degree till then I realized this.
5) Leadership. Turned out that leading myself is the best I can manage now. This comes from somewhere. Thank you somewhere.
6) Marriage. Not that I'm planning one (yet) but I realized that the preparation of it doesn't start from the day you decided you are on the right time to get married, it actually starts now, spiritually speaking. The people around me also taught me to have a more realistic view on this. Guess it's a part of adulthood.
7) If you wanna do it and your gut is okay with it, go do it. Better regretting doing it than regretting not doing it. Yana taught me this. She could be a really good counsellor no kidding.
8) Stop wasting time on planning. If you want result, well you gotta start working. Though this is in my schemata, it seems that it takes time to get into that equilibrium lulz.
9) Self-efficacy comes from ample knowledge and trust in faith. You gotta build it from the inside. This might sound cliche but you gotta have faith in yourself. (Thank you Educational psychology) :P and last but not least, actually it's the most important one,
10) I learn to love the right one though it is much more difficult than simply believing the lies though you know they are not true (the lies I mean) metaphorically speaking.
All in all, I remember 2012 as a rough year with some candies thrown here and there. But hey, you know what they say, success comes from bitterness (seriously this sounds much better in Malay). Let see what 2013 has to offer.
May Allah ease :)
Btw, we had a class partayh today. Needless to say it was great! :)